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Grandma Bubble Bass (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Grandma Bubble Bass Synopsis - Spongebob gets concerned after his Grandmother hires Bubble Bass as her personal bodyguard. Characters Spongebob Squarepants Bubble Bass Grandma Squarepants Patrick Star Sandy Cheeks (mentioned) Gary The Snail Sea Bears The Story The story begins with Spongebob unicycling down a grove with a basket in hand going to visit his Grandmother. SPONGEBOB: Off to Grandma’s! Off to Grandma’s! Off to Grandma’s! OFF TO GRANDMA’S! Spongebob arrives at the edge of the fence that surrounds Grandma Squarepants’ Cookie Cutter style house. He already smells the fresh scent of the delicious snickerdoodle & chocolate chip cookies she is notoriously known for. SPONGEBOB: Grandma’s Delights! Spongebob frolics down the path leading right to his Grandmother’s front door with the basket in hand which is empty only because, he wants to be a stereotypical grandchild. He rings the doorbell and cheerfully hums while waiting for her to answer. The door opens but the person to answer is the last person on Spongebob’s mind. SPONGEBOB: Bubble Bass?! BUBBLE BASS: Squarepants?! SPONGEBOB: What are you doing here?! BUBBLE BASS: I should say the same about you. Grandma Squarepants then walks up with her cane. GRANDMA: Oh Spongebob! What a nice surprise! Come in! Come in! Spongebob cautiously enters and is also very confused on why his rival is in his Grandmother’s home. BUBBLE BASS: Do you know him Mrs.Squarepants? SPONGEBOB: She’s my Grandmother you dingus! BUBBLE BASS: Wow, you are really observant now aren’t ya? Spongebob already begins to get frustrated with Bubble Bass’ presence. GRANDMA: Now boys, lets keep this nice & polite now won’t we? SPONGEBOB: Why is this dirtbag in your beautiful home Grandma? BUBBLE BASS: What is this dirtbag doing as your grandson Mrs.Squarepants? SPONGEBOB: Hey! GRANDMA: Spongebob, I have decided to hire Mr.Bubble Bass as my personal bodyguard! And Mr.Bubble Bass, Spongebob is my grandson. SPONGEBOB: Why do you need a bodyguard Grandma? And of all protectors, why pick this idiot? BUBBLE BASS: Oh cry me a river! GRANDMA: I need a bodyguard because, I am starting to get quite up there in age, being 96 and all, and I need help in continuing to get by. Mr.Bubble Bass is an incredible man! He fixed my Fridge yesterday with no asking of pay at all! What a nice gent! BUBBLE BASS: I am the best handyman you could think of! SPONGEBOB: But Grandma, I was going to call a refrigerator fixer for you next weekend. BUBBLE BASS: Wow, already the bodyguard bests the grandson, how pathetic are you? SPONGEBOB: Zip it or I will zip it for you! GRANDMA: Spongebob stop! Treat my guest as if he were yours! Now get comfortable boys, lunch is almost ready! Grandma heads off to the Kitchen to finish making the cookies. SPONGEBOB: Listen Bubble Bass! If you so much as lay one of your comic books on my Grandma’s mantle my Grandpa made for her, so help me Neptune! BUBBLE BASS: Oh I’m shaking Squarepants! Spongebob & Bubble Bass then face off. BUBBLE BASS: You never, do not and never will have any skills of bravery you snowflake! SPONGEBOB: You’re one to talk, you still live off food stamps! BUBBLE BASS: So it's wrong to get food now? Before Spongebob could try to argue, Grandma’s voice sounds. GRANDMA: Lunch is ready boys! BUBBLE BASS: See you in the kitchen Spongebob Snowflakepants! Bubble Bass heads into the Kitchen and Spongebob follows with a very angry look on his face. Spongebob sits down at the table next to Grandma. Bubble Bass stands behind Spongebob closely. SPONGEBOB: You mind not being so close? I’m mildly claustrophobic! BUBBLE BASS: And I’m mildly diabetic! And you do not see me complaining! So get over it! Spongebob teeths in anger. Grandma’s favorite song then plays on the radio. GRANDMA: Eat up boys! Meanwhile I will close my eyes and relive the 1930’s since my song is jamming! Grandma proceeds to do just this. Spongebob chews on his chocolate chip cookie. SPONGEBOB(in his thoughts): Bubble Bass is nothing but a lying skunk who is trying to take advantage of my grandmother somehow! BUBBLE BASS(in his thoughts): Squarepants really needs to get off that lame lavender shampoo! He smells…. lame. SPONGEBOB(in his thoughts): When Grandma isn’t looking.. BUBBLE BASS(in his thoughts): I will make my move. SPONGEBOB(in his thoughts): And wow this cookie is delicious! The song finishes, Grandma arrives back into the present day and she opens her eyes. GRANDMA: How are we enjoying our snacks boys? Spongebob & Bubble Bass both lunge at each other. GRANDMA: Boys! Boys! Spongebob pounds Bubble Bass in the face with his own comic books while Bubble Bass sits on Spongebob. GRANDMA: Boys! Spongebob is squished into a ball and thrown down the net like a basketball. Spongebob then takes Bubble Bass’ mint comic book and shreds it much to the latter’s anger. GRANDMA: BOYS! Spongebob & Bubble Bass continue to brawl in the living room. Bubble Bass seems to be getting the advantage as he begins to spray old lady perfume into Spongebob’s eyes. SPONGEBOB: My eyes! My eyes! BUBBLE BASS: Should’ve had glasses like me at your disposal! Spongebob forms an angry face and then gets even angrier when he realizes that he is being beaten up in a family member’s house that he previously viewed as a safe zone. Spongebob screams and sends one up Bubble Bass’ tallywacker. BUBBLE BASS: Yelp! Ouch! Bubble Bass collapses to the floor in pain which immediately subsides after. Grandma walks up and is shocked. SPONGEBOB: Don’t worry Grandma! I’ll get this loser out of your house pronto! GRANDMA: I don’t think that will be necessary. SPONGEBOB: What do you mean? Grandma takes out her emergency medkit and begins tending to Bubble Bass. GRANDMA: Spongebob, I still love you with all my heart and you are still my grandson, but I think you need to leave now, you are too worked up for no reason at all. SPONGEBOB: But Grandma I’m sorry! Its just that.. GRANDMA: Go. SPONGEBOB: But! GRANDMA: Spongebob! Spongebob sighs before nodding a yes and leaving the house while Grandma returns to tending to Bubble Bass. Bubble Bass decides to selfishly lie about this “pain.” BUBBLE BASS: I think I will be injured for a week! Ow! Ow! Owwww!! GRANDMA: Oh you poor thing! I’m gonna go to my garage and get my special blanket & pillow I weaved myself! Grandma goes to her Garage. Spongebob peeks back into the house. After Grandma is out of sight, Bubble Bass turns to Spongebob and gives off an evil smile. Spongebob correctly guesses that Bubble Bass is taking advantage of the situation and wanting to be a freeloader off of his 96 year old grandmother. Spongebob begins breathing angrily. Scene cuts to Spongebob’s pineapple. PATRICK: Spongebob calm down! Spongebob is watching educational programs which he always does as an unorthodox when he gets mad. SPONGEBOB: Patrick! I can not calm down! Not when that freeloading sorry son of a!! PATRICK: Spongebob! SPONGEBOB: What? I was just going to say Son of a Butthead. PATRICK: Oh, never mind. Spongebob turns off his TV and collapses to the floor. SPONGEBOB: I don’t know what to do Patrick. I cannot let that evil glut win and harrass my poor Grandma! PATRICK: Sorry can you say that again? I lost you at Patrick. Spongebob sighs and puts his hands to his face. SPONGEBOB: Just forget it Patrick. Patrick takes a seat on Spongebob’s chair. After some thinking, Patrick suddenly begins leaking black liquids from his head which means he has thought of a clever plan. PATRICK: I got it! Spongebob puts his hands down and he then gets up, SPONGEBOB: What? PATRICK: Remember that old video recorder I borrowed from Sandy? SPONGEBOB: Yeah? PATRICK: Well I ate it. SPONGEBOB: Okay, and why are you telling me this now? PATRICK: I have good news! The recorder did not digest properly! It got stuck in my ribcage! If you press on my left rib hard enough you can still put the recorder on and record people’s voices & stuff! SPONGEBOB: Great plan Patrick! If I use you as a secret recorder, you can go up to Bubble Bass, ask him questions to get his real selfish self going & then this will be recorded so I can show Grandma and he will be history! You are so smart buddy! PATRICK: That I am! That I am! 2 + 2 = 5 by the way! SPONGEBOB: 4! Spongebob grabs Patrick and the two proceed on to Grandma’s house. Gary The Snail watches. GARY: Meow Gary curls up on the couch and falls asleep. The scene jumps to Grandma watering her spice garden. Spongebob & Patrick observe. SPONGEBOB: Are you ready Patrick? PATRICK: I am born for this! Patrick chucks a rock. It zips by Grandma and smashes one of the windows of her shed. GRANDMA: What the?! What was that?! Grandma goes to check it out while Spongebob & Patrick pass by her unknowingly. They see that she will be distracted for a while. They then look into the window and see Bubble Bass laying down on the couch reading a comic book and tucked in a baby style weaved blanket. SPONGEBOB: There he is! That no good son of a! PATRICK: Butthead? SPONGEBOB: Yeah that and totally not another word that starts with B. Spongebob & Patrick then review their plan. SPONGEBOB: So are you sure you know what to do? PATRICK: Yes! I enter Grandma’s house, ask Bubble Bass some questions, you put a headset on me, give me commands, I get Bubble Bass’ answers & we eat chili tacos later this evening! Patrick puts on his headset and smiles. SPONGEBOB: Brilliant! Spongebob presses his left rib turning the recorder on. SPONGEBOB: Now get going! Patrick walks into the residence, softly shuts the door so Grandma, who is still trying to figure out what whizzed by her, doesn’t hear. Bubble Bass notices him. BUBBLE BASS: Comic Book Store Customer #7043? What are you doing here? PATRICK: Oh hey Comic Book Store Owner & Operator of Suburban Fanfictions.net! I am Patrick Star and I am going to ask you some questions! BUBBLE BASS: Make it quick, my Westerns will be coming on any moment. SPONGEBOB(outside): Here we go! PATRICK: Do you have spare change for me to use The Wash later? BUBBLE BASS: Quarters? SPONGEBOB(speaking into the headset): Patrick! Talk to him about his bodyguard duties! PATRICK: Oh yeah! Bubble Bass! BUBBLE BASS: What? PATRICK: Here is my question! What is 2 + 2?! SPONGEBOB(outside & aggravated): Patrick! BUBBLE BASS: Uh…. 8? PATRICK: Wrong! 9! BUBBLE BASS: I dropped out of school after first grade, mind cutting me some slack? SPONGEBOB(outside): Talk to him about the bodyguard! PATRICK: Throw the guardbody! BUBBLE BASS: Huh? SPONGEBOB: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Grandma Squarepants then walks up having had found the rock and now overheard Spongebob’s aggravations. GRANDMA: Spongebob? SPONGEBOB: Grandma! PATRICK: Grandma? Spongebob, that was not part of the plan! BUBBLE BASS: Spongebob? Grandma & Spongebob enter the house. Grandma notices Patrick with the headset and Bubble Bass just as confused as her. GRANDMA: Would somebody mind telling me why my grandson is peeking into my windows, has his pink friend standing on my good rug with a headset on, and why you are on your feet Bubble Bass? BUBBLE BASS: I can gladly explain Mrs.Squarepants. Spongebob as well as his moronic buddy decided to try and annoy me greatly! I was just in the middle of throwing the pink doorknob out! PATRICK: Pink doorknob? I am not a doorknob! How dare you! Patrick runs out of the house crying and leaves elsewhere. GRANDMA: What is going on here?! SPONGEBOB: Grandma… Spongebob sighs. SPONGEBOB: I was spying. BUBBLE BASS: Bingo! On the money! SPONGEBOB: Shut up Bubble Bass! Grandma tries to process this. GRANDMA: Why were you spying on me Spongebob? Even after I clearly told you you had to go home. SPONGEBOB: Bubble Bass is trying to freeload off you! He only faked his pain just so he can get free benefits! Bubble Bass is not a good person! BUBBLE BASS: How dare you! These accusations offend me! GRANDMA: Spongebob, I suggest you go rest for a couple of days, you seem disturbed right now. SPONGEBOB: But I’m not! BUBBLE BASS: Oh but you so are! Now if you’ll excuse me! I will go and continue to recover from my butt pain! Grandma overhears. GRANDMA: Bubble Bass? BUBBLE BASS: Yes ma’am? GRANDMA: You didn’t get hit in the posterior, you got hit in the tallywacker. SPONGEBOB: Hehe! Tallywacker! BUBBLE BASS: I mean the tallywacker! Yes! Ow! Ow! Owww! GRANDMA: Bubble Bass! I am starting to think that Spongebob may have been right about you! Now unless if you mix your body parts up, do you otherwise care to explain? Grandma taps her foot and so does Spongebob. GRANDMA(to Spongebob): Stop. SPONGEBOB: Sorry! Bubble Bass looks anxious. BUBBLE BASS: Um….. well…. uh… Bubble Bass bursts through the window and hightails it out from the premises like Patrick did. Spongebob & Grandma watch. Bubble Bass continues to run on the road. BUBBLE BASS(looking back): Haha! I got away with it suckers! Haha! Bubble Bass then faces front and his jaw drops. Before he could react further, he is hit by a garbage truck and sent flying. Bubble Bass finally lands in the local zoo, specifically in the Sea Bear enclosure. BUBBLE BASS: Oh man what a landing! Huh? Wait? (Reads habitat sign) Sea Bear enclosure? Bubble Bass then hears growling and turns to see two vicious looking sea bears growling & licking their lips ravenously. They also hold up forks. BUBBLE BASS: This is just like the game box console of 1993,.... great barnacles. The sea bears pounce onto Bubble Bass and claw away. Spongebob & Grandma embrace in a hug. GRANDMA: Spongebob, I am so sorry for not listening to you in the first place, how foolish of me! SPONGEBOB: Don’t be sorry Grandma, nobody is perfect and Bubble Bass will get his. Bubble Bass’ clothes & glasses remain on the enclosure while the now sleeping sea bears tummies are full. BUBBLE BASS(from the stomachs): Wait, I will get expelled out… what now? Grandma whips up a fresh batter of cookies. GRANDMA: I made a fresh batch of snickerdoodles! Let’s eat Spongebob! SPONGEBOB: Yay! Spongebob & Grandma proceed to snack on cookies in the Kitchen. Patrick returns to the house tracking the good smell and seeing this scene unfold. PATRICK(about the cookies and rushing over): I want some! Category:SquidwardTentacles35